Conservatives crow of their steely strength in the face of adversity — ‘America strong’ — while at the same time fret endlessly about all the threats to their way of life. Their leader, Donald Trump, is an exemplar of their knee-knocking courage. One moment he announces a willingness to stare down a lunatic firing an AR-15, the next he is whining the media is so unfair to him. His tough guy persona is belied by his simpering regard for true tough guys.

It is as if conservatives need a powerful father figure to assure them everything will be all right. So many on the right, Trump more than any, get damp at the contemplation of Russia’s bantam Vlad. No teenage girl has ever swooned so hard for a bad boy.

Conservatives show this same dichotomy over liberals. They cannot decide if the left wing is a timorous mob of safe-space snowflakes or an implacable fifth-column panting to strip them of their guns and religious freedoms.

The right-wing see terrorists under every bed, although the odds of an American dying in an ISIS attack are smaller than an American getting shot by a toddler and far less than a trip and fall in his bathroom.

But try telling that to a red, white and blue scaredy cat.

And don’t get these real Americans started on immigrants. To these ‘Home of the Brave’ Chicken Littles, there is no group more terrifying than foreigners who are trying to carve out a better life. Except for maybe refugees. Those cunning moles cleverly get themselves born into a country riven by civil war, then travel hundreds of miles across desert lands and heaving waters to launch attacks against Western nations.

And what is the evidence for these claims? On refugees, nothing yet. And on immigrants, stories. Tales of marauding MS-13 gangsters in Long Island and a many-times-removed illegal aliens shooting young women in California. I don’t deny that there are gang members from Central America. Or that Kathryn Steinle was killed when a gun found by an ‘illegal alien’ went off accidentally. Or that another ‘illegal alien’ killed Edwin Jackson and his Uber driver in a drunk driving accident.

However, there are few better examples of cognitive dissonance than an obese smoker, sitting on his couch, stuffing down Ding Dongs with a beer chaser freaking that he will die at the hands of a Mexican rapist.

All those fears though take a back seat to the fear a good patriot has of his government. He lives in a constant froth of terror that America is minutes away from a power grab by the deep state in DC. And the prelude to his emasculation is the seizure of his weapons.

What’s missing from the arc of dread is the government’s plan. The only concrete step the feds seem to have taken is the establishment of FEMA death camps – somewhere.  Ammosexuals do not explain how the authorities will execute the gun grab. Any more than they describe precisely how arming teachers would work. (Is the gun kept loose in the classroom – or locked up in the central offices. How do teachers not hit kids when firing at the gunman. How do they not get shot by cops looking to take down a gunman? Etc.)

And talking about school shootings, America would be a better place if the armies of Alex Jones and the paranoid MAGA crowd would take a lesson in calmness and maturity from the Parkland School students. Contrast their implacable demand that something be done to stop kids being shot with the lunatic fringe’s belief that Obama is raising a UN Army to change our land use laws.

Thank God the students are the future.


Most Americans Think Trump Is a Soulless Jerk, Is He?

October 18, 2017

Imagine spending the 1960s, hobbled by bone spurs, dancing through the pain and dodging incoming STDs. That was Trump’s service to his country. It was ignoble, dishonorable, but somebody had to do it. And why not someone burdened by family money and a freedom from conscience. It was this dedication to duty that has given the […]

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Nationalism Isn’t Patriotism – But It Is Politically Useful.

January 3, 2017

Conservatives spanked President Obama for not wearing a flag pin. Which raises the question, what does a flag pin signify? The wearer believes it’s patriotism. It isn’t. The pin is no more than a biker patch – his ‘colors’ if you will. The pin wearer declares himself to be no more than a nationalist wearing […]

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Conservatives Slam Kaepernick – While Ignoring America.

August 30, 2016

Colin Kaepernick, a quarterback for the San Francisco 49ers, stayed seated while the national anthem played. He did so to protest the shooting of unarmed black men by the police. The conservative, racist community lost its mind. Hours of TV were devoted to the treasonous traitor –  the punditocracy harrumphed about patriotism. They overacted – as […]

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Conservatives Celebrate Inertia, Indolence, and Lack of Ambition.

January 30, 2016

“You have attributed conditions to villainy that simply result from stupidity.” ― Robert A. Heinlein Conservatives celebrate the virtues of ‘fly-over country’ – home to Bubba and other small-town, ‘real’ Americans. The virtues of these landlocked folk are enumerated as common-sense, tradition, religion, patriotism and gun ownership. Does this celebration of the heartland bear scrutiny? […]

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If English Was Good Enough for Jesus, it’s Good Enough for America.

March 19, 2015

“You will generally observe that, of all Americans, your foreign-born citizens are the most patriotic – especially toward the Fourth of July” ― Herman Melville. A school in upstate New York caused considerable consternation by reading – as part of its celebration of ‘National Foreign Language Week’ – the Pledge of Allegiance in Arabic. As […]

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Real Americans

February 9, 2015

“I have always regarded as a stroke of good fortune that I was not born or brought up in a small American town; they may be the backbone of the nation, but they are also the backbone of ignorance, bigotry, and boredom, all in vast quantities.” ― Gore Vidal Mike Huckabee, in his book ‘God, […]

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Raven-Symoné Gives Us a Road Map to a Post-racial America.

October 22, 2014

I have a dream that my four little children will one day live in a nation where they will not be judged by the color of their skin, but by the content of their character. – Martin Luther King, Jr. Oprah Winfrey is an inspiration to many. And she should be. Growing up in abject poverty, […]

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Let’s Sit This One Out – We Don’t Need to Fight Every Overhyped Pointless War.

September 19, 2014

Is there anything that will stop the chicken-hawks from going to war? Is there a war so pointless that it will finally convince Americans to stay out of fly-specked desert hell-holes or god-forsaken jungles? I doubt it. President Obama finds himself in an uncomfortable place. Although far too young to have fought in Vietnam – […]

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