Everybody is following the Roy Moore teen molestation saga and wondering if all the backwoods stories they have heard about Alabama could possibly be as bad as they dared not imagine. And yet the more we hear, the more we realize that Alabama is “you might be a redneck if…” territory.

Let’s consider how we got into this predicament in the first place. Roy Moore beat Luther Strange to win the GOP nomination to fill the Senate seat vacated when Jeff Sessions was appointed US Attorney General. Sessions, as we now famously know, cannot recall anything. Including, I am sure, that his 1986 nomination to be a Federal District Judge was squashed by the Senate on the basis that he’s a racist.

Strange is currently in the job because he was appointed by Gov. Robert Bentley to temporarily fill the position until the December general election between Moore and Democrat, Doug Jones. Many argued Strange’s appointment was a quid pro quo for Strange’s attempt — as Alabama’s Attorney General – to delay Bentley’s impeachment for the Governor’s sexcapades in office and his subsequent misuse of campaign cash to cover up his canoodling.

The Alabama state song: “Touch-a touch-a touch-a touch me, I wanna be dirty”.

Bentley eventually resigned when his contention that his relationship with the staffer, Rebekah Mason was ‘nonsexual’ was ridiculed when tape recordings of him uttering Penthouse Letter style confessions turned up.

“Worr[ied] about loving you so much. When I stand behind you, and I put my arms around you, and I put my hands on your breasts […] and just pull you real close. I love that, too.”  

But there’s more. Mike Hubbard was Speaker of the Alabama House. Despite his wife’s $150,000 salary as Dean of Auburn University and his own $60,000 pay as speaker, Hubbard felt he needed more cash. He reasoned that receiving ‘consulting fees’ and ‘loans’ from people trying to do business with the state was entirely ethical. The authorities disagreed and indicted him on 23 counts of official misconduct.

Amazingly after his indictment, he was re-elected to his seat in a landslide and voted back into the Speaker’s job by a margin of 99-1.

Then he was found guilty of 12 felonies. And was sentenced to 4 years and ordered to pay $1.1 million in restitution. The restitution has been put on hold. And Hubbard is still out on bond.

Ironically it was the investigation of Hubbard’s offenses that first revealed that Bentley was such a ‘hands-on’ Governor

But he is not alone. Robert ‘The Luv Guv’ Bentley is the third Governor in ‘The Heart of Dixie’ to be judged criminal.

In 2006 Gov. Don Siegelman (a Democrat) was found guilty on 7 felony counts relating to malfeasance in office and was sentenced to 7 years in a federal penitentiary.

In 1993 Gov. H. Guy Hunt was forced to resign after convictions for using $200,000 in inaugural cash to buy marble showers and lawnmowers. (His version of surf and turf?)

In Alabama, if you say you love Jesus and hate gays, you are good to go.


Roy Moore Is Still Alabama’s Most Likely Next Senator.

November 12, 2017

Republicans have to deal with a Senate candidate, Roy Moore, who has been accused of plying girls with alcohol and touching them up. In Alabama the local GOP’s answer is simple. They deny he did it and besides most of the accusers were at least 16 – so fair game for a 30-something. And that’s if the […]

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Trump Promises Success, Delivers Failure.

October 16, 2017

Like every politician, Trump made extravagant promises. And like every politician he failed to deliver on all he promised. But Trump’s promises were more extravagant, and his failures more thorough, than the standard huckster’s pattern. So egregious, in fact, that his duplicity is in Bernie Madoff’s neighborhood. But the man, whose greatest achievement is whining, has a different story. […]

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The Trump Administration Hires Big Boobs.

September 21, 2017

In the Mad Man era — as the joke has it — the executive needed a new secretary. He interviewed the candidates. After asking them wide-ranging questions about their abilities, education, and experience, he hired the one with the biggest boobs. And so it is in the Trump administration. Ability, education and experience count for little. […]

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My Father Didn’t Use to Be a RWNJ – What Happened?

August 22, 2017

Do you have a crazy dad, uncle or brother? Was he always like that? Or is the craziness an acquired affliction? Here, I’m talking politically. Specifically about those relatives, who in their youth were centrist or close to it, sometimes even quite liberal, who have now veered hard right. You do? If so, he may have been […]

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When Profit Trumps People – People Die.

June 27, 2017

Deregulation kills people – which is evident when you consider that the reason for regulation in the first place was to save lives and protect health. Regulation ensures that people without power retain some say in the quality of their own lives. The history of  America before regulation is a guide to how cruel life […]

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How Democrats can Win: Five Easy Pieces of Advice.

June 23, 2017

Democrats are getting hammered. And the excuses are flying. The “we’re losing less badly than before and besides it’s a Republican district” rationale for losing congressional races is a consolation prize where consolation is meaningless. In politics, all that counts is winning. And until the Democrats get some checks in the ‘W’ column they are irrelevant. What do Democrats […]

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The Constitution Wasn’t Designed to Make it Easier To Shoot Steve Scalise

June 15, 2017

Rep. Steve Scalise (R-LA) – and four others – were gunned down on a baseball field. Luckily nobody died except for the gunman. Quick action by dedicated Capitol police prevented a bigger disaster. And the GOP quickly decried the ready availability of assault weapons to crazy people. All these statements are true – except the last one. […]

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Trump Returns Home. Expect Tweets.

May 27, 2017

In summing up his trip abroad, Donald Trump told a captive audience of American military personnel in Sicily, “I think we hit a home run no matter where we are”. In short, he was Queen Victoria playing fantasy sports, while losing track of his tenses. Seriously, it is hard to think what his successes were. He […]

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