Everybody is following the Roy Moore teen molestation saga and wondering if all the backwoods stories they have heard about Alabama could possibly be as bad as they dared not imagine. And yet the more we hear, the more we realize that Alabama is “you might be a redneck if…” territory.

Let’s consider how we got into this predicament in the first place. Roy Moore beat Luther Strange to win the GOP nomination to fill the Senate seat vacated when Jeff Sessions was appointed US Attorney General. Sessions, as we now famously know, cannot recall anything. Including, I am sure, that his 1986 nomination to be a Federal District Judge was squashed by the Senate on the basis that he’s a racist.

Strange is currently in the job because he was appointed by Gov. Robert Bentley to temporarily fill the position until the December general election between Moore and Democrat, Doug Jones. Many argued Strange’s appointment was a quid pro quo for Strange’s attempt — as Alabama’s Attorney General – to delay Bentley’s impeachment for the Governor’s sexcapades in office and his subsequent misuse of campaign cash to cover up his canoodling.

The Alabama state song: “Touch-a touch-a touch-a touch me, I wanna be dirty”.

Bentley eventually resigned when his contention that his relationship with the staffer, Rebekah Mason was ‘nonsexual’ was ridiculed when tape recordings of him uttering Penthouse Letter style confessions turned up.

“Worr[ied] about loving you so much. When I stand behind you, and I put my arms around you, and I put my hands on your breasts […] and just pull you real close. I love that, too.”  

But there’s more. Mike Hubbard was Speaker of the Alabama House. Despite his wife’s $150,000 salary as Dean of Auburn University and his own $60,000 pay as speaker, Hubbard felt he needed more cash. He reasoned that receiving ‘consulting fees’ and ‘loans’ from people trying to do business with the state was entirely ethical. The authorities disagreed and indicted him on 23 counts of official misconduct.

Amazingly after his indictment, he was re-elected to his seat in a landslide and voted back into the Speaker’s job by a margin of 99-1.

Then he was found guilty of 12 felonies. And was sentenced to 4 years and ordered to pay $1.1 million in restitution. The restitution has been put on hold. And Hubbard is still out on bond.

Ironically it was the investigation of Hubbard’s offenses that first revealed that Bentley was such a ‘hands-on’ Governor

But he is not alone. Robert ‘The Luv Guv’ Bentley is the third Governor in ‘The Heart of Dixie’ to be judged criminal.

In 2006 Gov. Don Siegelman (a Democrat) was found guilty on 7 felony counts relating to malfeasance in office and was sentenced to 7 years in a federal penitentiary.

In 1993 Gov. H. Guy Hunt was forced to resign after convictions for using $200,000 in inaugural cash to buy marble showers and lawnmowers. (His version of surf and turf?)

In Alabama, if you say you love Jesus and hate gays, you are good to go.


Why Was Comey Fired? The Administration Offers Everything Except the Truth.

May 11, 2017

The Trump administration is the gang who couldn’t shoot straight. All Presidents lie, prevaricate, spin – but no administration has done it worse since – and it is a fair comparison –  Nixon. Take the Comey firing. They obviously can’t admit the real reason. That either Comey was getting too close to an uncomfortable truth – […]

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Ignorance: A Value Held Dear by many Americans.

April 8, 2017

I used to frequent a deli located near a roadside, commuter bus stop. Once, while idly waiting for my order, I thumbed an accordion bus schedule taken from a holder by the register. The cashier looked over at me and said she hoped I wouldn’t ask her when the next bus was, as she had […]

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How Religion Uses Hate to Make Money

March 12, 2017

Years ago I went to rural Ohio years ago because my girlfriend’s family lived there. It depressed me. It was flat, and there were holes in the stop signs that someone told me were bullet holes. It was also winter – so that didn’t help. Her father was a hospital administrator, and her mother played golf. They […]

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Belligerent Incompetence: The Trump Terrorist Doctrine.

January 30, 2017

Terrorists don’t kill Americans. Neither do sharks, bees or lightning. Before you get indignant, yes, some people die of these things – but from a statistical point of view, with rounding, the number is zero. And yet the Trump administration is willing to upend 70 years of American foreign policy to address events that hardly ever happen. Take […]

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The Republicans’ Best Replacement for Obamacare is Obamacare.

January 16, 2017

Paul Ryan says that the replacement for Obamacare will be well thought out – much better than the current dog’s dinner. And as soon as they repeal the ACA they’re going to start working on it. Which raises the question: What have they been doing for the last seven years? However, there is good news […]

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The Self-Delusion of the Trump Voter

January 13, 2017

A sign in many Irish bars reads, “In God we trust, all others pay cash”. It is a straightforward sentiment. One that many a tavern and other small business owners do well to follow. But in the larger realm, outside of petty commerce, people have to expand their circle of trust. Not with blind faith, but with a healthy […]

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The Electoral College Had One Job. It Failed.

December 19, 2016

So now that the Electoral College has given its imprimatur to Donald Trump’s presidency, we have to accept that the Founders’ machinations to prevent the election of an unqualified man to be President have been thwarted. Hamilton, in particular, believed that the Electoral College would provide a bulkhead against the passions of the unwashed masses. […]

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Evangelicals Elect an Unholy Man.

November 11, 2016

When I was a boy, I went to schools that were unmistakably Christian. As it was in England, where parents think their children are vaguely criminal and too rambunctious to have underfoot, I was sent away to a low-security detention facility at the age of eight. A place called, in British private educational parlance, a ‘boarding school’. The authorities […]

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